I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
