Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Congratulations! We have a period
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