Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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