i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
