You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
