I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
