If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
