70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
