??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
