I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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