just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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