Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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