last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's get the cat blown out
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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