he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
