I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
