$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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