so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i have herpe
just one?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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