Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize