question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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