Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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