Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize