My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
