I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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