I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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