Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
