lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
