I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
