I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
