so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
