bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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