She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
