No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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