Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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