Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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