I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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