we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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