Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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