Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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