my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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