I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
