But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize