I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
