I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
