Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
