i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
