You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
