Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
