Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
