and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
