U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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