Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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