I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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