i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
