Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
