So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
