hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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