Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
