Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
