he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
