He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
