just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
