I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forget how to act sober
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
