I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
