I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
