I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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