Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
