I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
