Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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