I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
