Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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